


I Just Need to Catch My Breath

by Chash



Series: Holiday Fills 2018 [24]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-25 16:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17124419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chash/pseuds/Chash
Summary: Bellamy meets Clarke a few days before Christmas, halfway through his masters', when he's teaching full time and barely knows which way he's facing at any given time. It's absolutely the worst time to try to start a relationship.But he likes her, and she seems to like him. So they keep trying.





	I Just Need to Catch My Breath

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RubyCaspar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RubyCaspar/gifts).



_December_

"You look miserable."

Bellamy was zoning out, plotting out the rest of his (fairly grim) evening in his head and ignoring the sounds of the lodge party around him, but the unfamiliar voice startles him out of it and looks down to see a cute blonde wearing a truly hideous sweater and smiling up at him from under a reindeer-ear headband.

"You look shockingly upbeat," he says without thinking, and she laughs.

"Haven't you ever heard of Christmas cheer?"

He glances between her mug and her face. "So just a bunch of alcohol?"

"95% Bailey's, 5% hot chocolate," she agrees. "With whipped cream on the top."

He has to smile. "So you're saying I should be drunker."

"I don't know you or your life, but you are at a Christmas party. So, yes, you should be drunker and less sad. Unless you're a mopey drunk, in which case you should be drunker and more sad."

He laughs. "One, I'm not really at this party."

The woman pointedly looks around, then back at him. "Are you astral projecting?"

"My sister works here, so she got me a deal on the room, but I'm not really doing any of the guest stuff. I just wanted coffee. Non-Irish."

"Why aren't you doing guest stuff? Just because you got a deal doesn't make you not a guest. And feel free to tell me to leave you alone any time, I won't be offended."

"I'll just leave once I've got my coffee," he says, with a smile he hopes comes across as friendly and teasing, not smug. The woman is cute and also _right_ : in theory, he really _should_ be taking advantage of all the facilities at the lodge. Not that he's ever much for parties, especially ugly-sweater parties, but he could at least be learning to ski or something. "I'm in grad school," he explains. "I'm done for the semester, but I'm trying to get ahead for next semester. And I teach too, so--free time doesn't really exist right now."

"What are you studying?"

"Education. It's a licensing thing, I can teach, but I need a masters' for--" He waves his hand. "You don't care."

"Professional license?" she asks, to his surprise. "Or something like that. It's a professional license in Massachusetts."

"That's where I'm getting mine, yeah."

"What do you teach?"

"History."

The woman nods, takes another sip of her drink. "I'm in Boston. I'm not a teacher, but I'm a social worker, so I talk to a lot of teachers about how the kids are doing. Are you done with grading?"

"Mostly," he says, absent. The crowd clears enough he can get to the drinks table, and he's glad when she follows him as he finds a mug and fills it up. "You're in Boston?"

"Yeah."

He laughs. "Wow, me too. What are the odds?"

"Probably not _that_ bad. I think it's mostly people from New England here. It's a pain to get to Vermont."

"I guess you're right. What area of the city are you in?"

She's not that close to him, but it's not like it's a huge city. He knows some of the schools she works with, and they have some acquaintances in common. He's also competent enough to learn that her name is Clarke Griffin, she's twenty-five, single, and bisexual, and she just keeps getting cuter and drunker. Which is actually kind of a problem, because in order to not feel scuzzy flirting with her, he'd have to get a lot drunker himself, and he still has stuff he really has to get done tonight.

"Are you here through the holiday?" he asks, once he's stayed for as long as he possibly can without breaking out in anxiety hives.

"No, this is actually my last day. Our office doesn't close except for Christmas day, so we always need coverage. My friend Raven said time is a construct, so we always go on vacation the week before Christmas to celebrate."

He nods. "That sucks."

"I don't mind. The office is dead and I'm the only one around, it's kind of nice. I catch up on paperwork and play my music really loud."

He smiles. "I meant that you're leaving here and I really can't stick around tonight. Grading to finish up and papers to submit."

"So you're going to start having fun after I leave."

"Probably not, but I'll at least have maybe two hours of free time."

"And I'm guessing it's not any better once you get home."

"I'm used to it."

"Yeah, but I want to ask for your number. But if you never have free time--"

"If I get your number, I can get in touch when I do have free time."

"Works for me." They trade phones for the number exchange. "Good luck with the grading."

"Good luck with not being too hungover tomorrow."

"I'm good at not getting hungover." She bites the corner of her mouth. "Do you think there's any mistletoe around?"

"No idea."

She leans up and kisses the corner of his mouth, light. "Well,just pretend. Merry Christmas, Bellamy Blake."

He smiles. "Merry Christmas."

 

_February_

Bellamy has three spring breaks, which is both better and worse than it sounds.

New England has this regional quirk where the K-12 schools have two spring breaks, one in February and one in April, which Bellamy would be fine with, except that colleges _don't_ do that, so he has a total of three weeks off over the course of the spring, but it's never actually being totally _off_. When he's not teaching, he's still got grad school, and when grad school is off, he still has to teach. 

Still, with teaching off his plate, he has a little more flex time, enough that he thinks he could, potentially, actually get a drink with Clarke.

There's a part of him that thinks even asking is stupid. He liked Clarke, enjoyed talking to her and would like to do it more, but this year feels like the wrong time to attempt a new friendship, let alone a new romance. But pending getting in touch with her until after the summer semester seems risky, at best. He doesn't want to miss out on something good just because he regularly realizes weeks have passed without his noticing.

And it's not as if they've been completely out of touch. He was competent enough to text her the day after their first meeting, to make sure she'd made it home okay, and she in turn asked if he'd finished his grading. It hadn't been a long conversation, but she'd texted him a few weeks later with a history question, and he'd checked in for advice about a student who was acting up. They're both doing their best to keep the connection alive, tending to that small spark, and that means Bellamy can put in the effort to actually _see her_ , now that he has some time.

 **Me** : I sort of have a break coming up

 **Clarke** : Sort of good for you  
What break?

 **Me** : February break for high school  
I still have grad school stuff, but no teaching  
So I probably have some amount of free time

 **Clarke** : Shit

 **Me** : Yeah, I hate some amount of free time too

 **Clarke** : Not that  
I'm chaperoning a trip for some of the kids at a group home over spring break  
It's a great program  
Really cool  
I love doing it  
But I'm going to be in California all week

 **Me** : That does sound like a great program  
Where in California?

Clarke explains the itinerary, where she's most excited to go, what challenges she's anticipating, and it's sort of the whole Clarke problem in a nutshell. Part of him feels like he should take this as a sign it's not meant to be, that he and Clarke will only ever be ships passing in the night and it's pointless to fight it. But every time he talks to her, it reminds him of why he does like her, why he wants to figure out how this could work.

And, a week later, she's texting him pictures of herself on a California vacation, so she wants to figure it out too.

It's just a matter of time.

 

_April_

**Me** : Do you want to come to my birthday party?

 **Clarke** : Yes, obviously  
But I'm not going to get carried away and say I'm actually coming  
I think we might be cursed

 **Me** : That would be a weird curse

 **Clarke** : It would, but I'm not taking any chances  
When's your birthday?

 **Me** : April 25

 **Clarke** : Happy early birthday  
Turning 30, right?

 **Me** : Somehow, yeah

 **Clarke** : I assume the party isn't on the 25th

 **Me** : No, on Friday

 **Clarke** : This Friday?

 **Me** : Yeah, I know it's short notice  
I wasn't planning to do anything but then my friend talked me into it

 **Clarke** : I think I can actually make it!  
Where and when?

Obviously, Bellamy doesn't actually think they're cursed, but he does have some trouble believing that Clarke will actually make it, or ]that it will actually be good if she does. Maybe she'll show up and he'll realize he doesn't like her as much as he thought he did, that he's too invested in a person he barely knows.

"Maybe you're just scared because you haven't had a crush in like five years," Miller says, dry.

"It hasn't been that long."

"You sure?"

Bellamy frowns, trying to remember. "Gina and I dated three years ago, so--"

"Yeah, but she picked you up at a bar. It's not like you had time to get in your head about it."

"Clarke picked me up at a ski lodge."

"And then left and you haven't seen her for four months. And you've been in your head about it the whole time."

This is probably both true and a large part of his problem. Bellamy's pretty good at relationships, if he does say so himself, but actually getting _into_ a relationship is always rocky. Especially when he has a crush. Clarke is the worst of all worlds because it should be a slam dunk, but the universe is conspiring against them.

Right on cue, his phone buzzes with a text from her: _So we might actually be cursed._

He groans. "Fuck, I think she's canceling."

Miller's eyebrows shoot up. "Seriously?"

 **Clarke** : I think I'm still going to make it  
But one of my clients has a problem with her foster home  
And I need to get her out and find somewhere else for her to go  
So I'm going to be late to very late  
I'll text when I'm done to make sure you're still there  
Sorry

 **Me** : You really don't have to apologize  
Go help the kid  
I hope everything's okay

Miller's watching him. "So?"

"Work emergency. She's delayed." He sighs. "Honestly, if I didn't know better, I'd say she just didn't want to hang out, but she started it, and she keeps saying she wants to make this work."

"Does she ever invite you to do stuff?"

"Yeah, every couple weeks, but she's busy too. She works Tuesday to Saturday, so Fridays are usually out, and a lot of weird overtime. Or emergencies, like this." He smiles with half his mouth, caught between amusement and weariness. "Last time she asked if I wanted to hang out, I was chaperoning a dance. The time before that, I was out of town."

"So you two really do have the world's shittiest luck."

"From what I can tell, yeah. Even if she comes tonight, I have no idea when our schedules are going to work out again."

"But you're going to keep trying?"

He takes a drink of his beer, shoots Miller a sidelong glance. "What, you think I shouldn't?"

"Nah, just surprised. I sort of figured you'd just give up on the whole thing. Decide this was the universe's way of telling you that it wasn't meant to be. I probably couldn't even make fun of you for giving up at this point."

"I want it to work," he says. "Or at least give it a fair shot."

"Huh." Miller raises his glass. "Then I hope she shows."

"Yeah, me too."

She texts at 10:30 to ask if he'll still be there in fifteen minutes, and he probably wouldn't be staying much longer left to his own devices, but she's worth waiting for.

It doesn't occur to him until she sits down next to him that this is his first time seeing her in person since December. It's a little disorienting, how rarely they've actually been together, relative to how much he likes her.

"Hey, happy birthday," she says. 

"Thanks. Everything okay? With the kid."

"It's not great. Her foster dad was making her really uncomfortable. We got her out for the night, but she'll need a new placement, and we probably have to do an investigation into the family."

"That sucks."

"It does, but I'm done with it for the night, so--I'm all yours. Is anyone else still around?"

"I made them leave so they wouldn't make fun of me."

"For waiting around for me?"

"For being shitty at flirting."

She grins, the brightness of it lighting up her whole face. "You don't really need to do a lot of flirting. I'm pre-picked up."

"I like flirting."

"But you're shitty at it."

"I'm practicing."

She laughs. "Well, at least you know it's going to work."

"That helps." He leans in, his own smile huge. "So, do you come here often?"

"First time. But I'm hoping to come back."

They stay for another two hours and make out in their Lyft, but when Clarke asks if he wants to come up to her place, he shakes his head.

"I've got stuff to do tomorrow, and I don't--" He smiles, a little sheepish. "I don't know when I'm going to see you again, and I don't want it to be, like--"

"We sleep together and don't see each other for another four months?"

"Pretty much."

"Yeah, that makes sense." She leans over for one more kiss. "Happy birthday, Bellamy."

"Thanks."

 

_June_

**Clarke** : So, is summer less busy for you?

 **Me** : Usually yes

 **Clarke** : But we're cursed?

 **Me** : Twelve-month masters. I have one more summer term to go  
Plus I'm going on vacation with my sister  
But in theory next fall is going to be better

 **Clarke** : In theory?

 **Me** : I'll be done with school but we might still be cursed  
I don't want to jinx it

 **Clarke** : True  
Fingers crossed  
Keep me posted

 

_August_

**Me** : Good news/bad news

 **Clarke** : Your vacation got canceled so you can hang out with me next week?

 **Me** : Close  
The AP history teacher just quit  
And they want me to replace her  
Which is awesome, I really want to be teaching that class  
But she took all her materials and left with no notice  
So I'm going to be scrambling to come up with an entire APUSH curriculum

 **Clarke** : So you're going to be really busy next semester

 **Me** : I'm going to be really busy next semester

 **Clarke** : I got a promotion so  
Kind of similar boat there  
I was going to tell you whenever or I saw you  
Or whenever it kept me from seeing you  
Whichever came first

 **Me** : Definitely the second one  
With our luck

 **Clarke** : Yeah, sounds right  
Congrats though, that's awesome

 **Me** : You too  
Glad everything else in our lives is going well

 **Clarke** : It could be worse  
Nothing could be going well

 **Me** : Yeah  
Still, we should at least get drinks to celebrate

 **Clarke** : Probably sometime in October 

**Me** : That sounds right  
See you then

 **Clarke** : It's a tentative date

 

_October_

**Clarke** : Am I allowed to booty call you?

Bellamy's buried under a pile of grading, but the sound of the phone pulls his attention back, and he finds it and stares at the message for a long second, trying to do the math in his head. Clarke is at a Halloween party that he was theoretically invited to, but he was just too slammed.

 _No is an acceptable answer_ pops up and he smiles.

 **Me** : No, you should definitely come over  
Booty calls are very welcome  
Do you have my address?

 **Clarke** : I actually don't  
Are you easily accessible via public transportation

 **Me** : Yeah but on the green line  
So

 **Clarke** : That's fine  
I'm in Cambridge, I'll take the train over and sober up  
See you soon

Amazingly, the knowledge that Clarke is coming over doesn't completely break his concentration. If anything, it actually motivates him more, because he wants to be done and have his full focus on his--whatever Clarke is. His pending girlfriend, maybe. The person he's definitely going to date when they can just get their acts together. 

The person he's spending tonight with, for sure.

Things go wrong five minutes after she gets on the red line.

 **Clarke** : We're standing by between Central and Harvard

 **Me** : Did they say why?

 **Clarke** : I assume signal problem  
It's always signal problem  
Anyway, I might be a while

 **Me** : That's fine  
Just let me know when you get here

In theory, it's about forty minutes on the red line to the green line, but Clarke stands by at every station between Harvard and Park Street, and then her next train goes out of service and Symphony, so it ends up being a full two hours before she arrives, exhausted and still dressed in Hogwarts robes.

"I don't even want to get laid anymore, I just want to pass out."

Bellamy smiles, pulling her into his arms. "Yeah, I don't blame you. Do you want to sleep here?"

"If you don't mind."

He kisses her hair. "I wanted to see you, or course I don't want you to just leave. You want the tour?"

"I assume it's short."

"It is. And it ends at the bed."

It's nice, having Clarke in his space. He loans her a t-shirt to sleep in and she gets settled while he brushes his teeth and gets ready himself. He hasn't had anyone sleep over since he and Gina broke up, and it's nice, the way she curls around him and exhales like there's nowhere else she'd rather be.

"This girl was hitting on me at the party," she murmurs.

"Yeah? Was she cute?"

"She was. But it was like--I have someone. Or I want to have someone, I guess. I don't know why I'd hook up with someone else when I just want to be with you."

He pulls her closer, rubs his thumb against her shoulder. "Yeah, I'm glad you came here. I know it's been--rough."

"It's not just you. I've been busy and held up and--" She presses her lips against his chest. "It feels like maybe this wasn't supposed to happen, but I still want it to."

"Me too. But I have somewhere to be early tomorrow so--"

"So we'll catch up later."

He smiles. "Yeah, we always do."

 

_December_

The thing about Christmas is that it is, by mutual communal agreement, a big deal. It's not one of those holidays where you just sort of celebrate it with whoever you're with; spending Christmas with someone means something.

So Bellamy figures he'll ask Clarke if she wants to hang out after the holiday. He knows she's doing her usual trip with Raven and working the holiday, so he figures he can check in once the dust has settled, maybe make some plans with her for New Year's.

He never lies about what he's doing, but he feels weird _telling her_. It feels so dramatic and stupid, opting out of the holiday, and he doesn't want her to feel like she has to hang out with him. 

Which is also stupid. It's stupid all the way down. 

But somehow, it feels like next year is going to be better. After a year of playing phone tag and trying to make things work, they're _still_ trying. And he's getting into the groove of teaching AP and Clarke isn't going to work on weekends anymore and they might be able to make time to see each other more than once every few months.

It doesn't feel like he needs to rush it now. They're already taking their time, so they might as well do it right. 

So New Year's with Clarke. That seems doable. And he'll relax until then.

She sends a bunch of pictures from her vacation in Florida, which means selfies in a bathing suit and sunglasses, pretty much the best Christmas present ever, and when she gets back and asks what he's up to, he admits that he's around and free.

His phone rings immediately. "You're in Boston doing nothing right now?" she demands.

"I'm playing video games, it's not nothing."

There's a pause. "You don't want to see me?"

He scrambles up, even though she can't see him. "Fuck, of course I do."

"But you weren't going to tell me you were here?"

"It's Christmas Eve."

"And?"

"I thought it might be weird. I'm not even doing anything, just sitting at home alone. It's not like--" He sighs. "I didn't want it to be a big deal."

"It's not. Can I come over?"

"Yeah, of course."

Half of him expects the train to fuck her over again, or for something else to go wrong, but he tidies up a little anyway, just in case she really does show up. He wishes he had a tree, or at least a few lights, but it's too late for that.

It's not like Clarke's coming to see his (lack of) decorations anyway. He's the big draw.

"I can't believe it's only been two months since I saw you," he teases, when she arrives, but Clarke isn't fooling around. She yanks him down by the front of his shirt, mouth crashing into his, and Bellamy laughs into the kiss. "Hi."

"Hi. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." He tucks her hair behind her ear. "I figured we'd just hang out after the holiday."

"Which is a total waste of two days we could be hanging out. I thought you were hanging out with your sister again."

"I was going to, but then I realized I don't have anything to do for vacation."

"And you didn't tell me."

"I didn't want to ask you to come spend Christmas with me. It seemed weird. We're not even--are we dating?"

"Not very often."

"I think this is going to be our year. I'm finally going to have enough time to be a real person. Or at least to be your boyfriend."

"New Year's resolution?"

"If there's one thing I learned this year it's that you're worth prioritizing."

"Yeah?"

"I spent a whole year wishing I was seeing you. I don't want to do that again."

"But you wanted to wait until December 26th to see me," she teases.

"Sorry. Do you want to spend Christmas watching Netflix on my couch and making out? I didn't get you anything and I'm planning to have mac and cheese for dinner. It's not going to be glamorous."

"Am I going to see you again in the next week?"

"As much as you want, yeah. School's out until after New Year's, so I've got plenty of time."

"Perfect. I want to get laid."

He laughs. "I can't believe you waited a whole year for this. Most people who have just given up by now."

"It's like you don't even know how hot you are." Her expression softens, and she leans in, giving him a soft kiss. "You're worth waiting for, Bellamy."

"And you're worth making time for." He tugs her toward the couch, and they settle in, close and warm. 

Somehow, it feels like Christmas. No tree, no presents, not even any snow, but warm and happiness and--love, probably. The start of it, at least. Something growing.

"This is going to be our year," he says, and she smiles.

"Yeah, I think so too."

**Author's Note:**

> due to the realities of “having shit to do over the hoildays,” I’ll be taking a few days off of posting after this! we’ll be back for the last seven fills starting Saturday, 12/29. however you are spending the rest of the week, I hope you enjoy it!


End file.
